Today the preacher’s sermon was on Colossians 3:18-21. Wives be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not embittered against them. Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. Fathers do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart. At first I did not see how any of the above could apply to healing from abuse. All the submission spoken of above is done ultimately under God’s authority, not man’s. We did not submit to our abusers, they demanded our bodies. The abuse was in no way under God’s authority.
Mentioning any type of submission to an abuse survivor is enough to send them running, either mentally or physically. I think as survivors of abuse, we take two basic roads. One is submitting to basically everyone. We never fight for what we believe or want because we believe we do not have a voice that counts. We become people pleasers and want everyone to like us. The other is to completely defy authority and please nobody. We try to control every situation and never let anyone close, refusing to be taken advantage of again. Many of us may land somewhere in the middle. I started thinking about submission to God in my life and my healing. There is no doubt in my mind that I cannot gain my life back and heal without Him.
I mostly fall into the defy authority category. I want control of my surroundings and not let anyone tell me what to do. I have often been described as stoic, unfeeling, and cold hearted. All of these characteristics can point to my defiance, especially my defiance in letting God fill my heart and mind. A lot of times I was not as cold hearted as others thought, I just felt showing emotion would show weakness and I was not about to show weakness. I am a little (maybe a lot) stubborn when it comes to asking for help also. All of these I need to give to God, submit to his authority. This is extremely difficult for me. I have serious doubts about anyone who claims they have gotten over their abuse because they just gave “it all to God and He has taken care of it.” I have several issues with this train of thought. This implies that real healing did not take place. The past was not faced, just tossed aside. It is impossible to gain our lives back without facing the past and slogging through the muck of abuse. We cannot be healed from what we do not acknowledge.
Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. James 4:7
All of the characteristics I listed for myself, resisting authority; cold hearted; showing weakness; and wanting to control my surroundings are from the devil. These are completely opposite of what God wants for my life. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body, and refreshment to your bones. Proverbs 3:7-8.
Submitting to God’s authority is safe. He is not going to abuse his authority like those who abused us. God can be trusted. We can submit to His will for our future. He will heal me, I just need to trust him. We will trust a medical doctor almost blindly to heal us and take care of our diseases and medical problems. A medical doctor is human and not immune to mistakes. If we blindly trust and submit to the wisdom of a human doctor, why is it so hard to submit and blindly trust the wisdom of the ultimate Healer; one who is flawless. This is not to say everything needs to be “submitted” at one time. We can do it little by little, growing in His love and healing just as infants learning their world. Infants do not learn to trust.They do not know what trust is until it is broken. We sometimes need to start all over, in infancy with God, in order to re-establish a safe, healing world, with God as our father, submitting to his authority, trusting the One who has never given us a reason not to trust Him.
The Lord also will be a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble, and those who know Thy name will put their trust in Thee; For Thou, O Lord, hast not forsaken those who seek thee. Psalm 9:9-10.
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