Love and Lies

All abusers lie to their victims whether they use words or actions. I was lied to several times with phrases indicating I liked it, he was the only one who really cared for me, he would kill my father if I told, and it was my fault for a number of different reasons. Some of those reasons included “because I liked it,” “I got him excited,” and “I let him.” None of these were true but I accepted the lies for several years, damaging my self-esteem and making it difficult for me to believe I am worthy of anyone’s love, especially God’s.

A lot of abusers, like mine, tell us they love us and try to convince us they are showing just how much. This makes the abuse incredibly painful and confusing. The abuse makes it difficult to separate love and abuse. We fear love and sex and confuse their real purpose in life. Fear becomes a big component of our lives whether we realize it, and love becomes distorted. Once we recognize how distorted our thinking has become because of the abuse healthy and loving relationships seem impossible with a partner or with God.

1 John 4:8a states There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear. This completely contradicts what we were told by our abusers. My abuser terrified me. I specifically remember a time when my father left our apartment to buy a treat for not wetting the bed (red flag). I was afraid my abuser was babysitting. I pulled the covers over my head and pinned them down with my arms. I do not know how long I stayed that way but at the first tug on the covers I panicked. I kicked and fought against what I believed to be my abuser. After what seemed like an eternity the covers were pulled off, revealing my father. That kind of fear is not love in any way despite my abuser’s insistence he was “loving” me. My abuser telling me he loved me was a total lie.

The One who truly loves us does not lie. In order that by two interchangeable, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we may have strong encouragement, we who have fled to him for refuge in laying hold of the hope set before us. Hebrews 6:18. God is the greatest love; a love that can be trusted and depended on. A love never based on lies, but based on truth and hope.

What would happen if we could set aside the lies of our abusers? Choosing not to believe them and move forward is a difficult thing to do. There are times it will seem impossible and will hurt  to an almost unbearable level, but it is not. Moving past the lies of our abusers involves hard work. We can learn to see ourselves as God sees us. He created us and we are valued by Him.

In Acts 13 Paul and his companions went to Antioch. They preached the gospel and many people believed. The Jews were jealous and pushed them out of the city. They persecuted them and they left without damaged spirits. Verses 51-52 of this chapter state But they shook off the dust of their feet in protest against them and went to Iconium. And the disciples were continually filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit.

We need to chose to dust off our abuser’s lies in protest, letting go of the damage they caused. I want to make this choice and move to the next stage of my journey, filled with joy and relying on the Holy Spirit for the strength to follow through. In this way I will be victorious over my abusers, no longer letting them control my view of myself.