Getting Help

Some time ago I heard the following sentence, “This has gradually improved but still remains somewhat tender.” I either heard this from my doctor or physical therapist. When it was said it touched a spot in my heart and I wrote it down. It reminds me of so much that is going on with my abuse recovery.

It may sound odd, but “improved, but tender” is a goal of mine. I want the wounds left by the abuse, or any wounds for that matter, to just be tender, and not raw, open, infected, and so painful it takes my breath away when touched. There are a few wounds that have reached that point, but most of those wounds are not related to my first, most abusive violator. I will explain the extent of this in another post.

Back to “improved, but tender.”

Fairly recently I had a significant surgery to replace a faulty part. The recovery was as difficult as other people warned me about. It was painful and frustrating. There were setbacks and times I regretted doing it. I also felt recovery was taking too long but patience is a virtue II need to work on in general.

Now I have reached a point that I am not constantly reminded of the surgery by pain or obvious physical limitation. Does it still hurt sometimes? Yes. Does it still restrict my activities? Absolutely. The thing is,the pain is not nearly as bad as it was before surgery or the weeks thereafter.

Physical therapy followed surgery, a necessary evil as far as I am concerned. It was extremely beneficial. In physical therapy I gained the motion and strength I needed. To gain these things I had to stretch scar tissue (ugh!) and put in a lot of work outside of the physician’s office. It occurred to me that recovery from sexual, physical, and emotional abuse has similarities.

1. We have to recognize the original problem either on our own or with the assistance of trained individuals.
2. Tools are used to help see the inside in order to diagnosis the main issue.
3. We have to decide whether to do something about it. Unfortunately surgery is not an option for this kind of recovery.
4. If we decide to move forward, the work is going to be difficult and painful. We are going to fight through the roadblocks and setbacks that will come up.
5. We are going to need professional help to recovery. This can be found in individual therapy (recommended) and with a great group that can encourage. We are also going to need God’s help, the ultimate professional.
6. We not only need professional help, we need to do some of the work on our own. We need to journal, make connections, and practice new ways of doing things.
7. As we progress, the pain becomes less, scars of abuse are stretched so they no longer restrict progress, and we become so much stronger. We become free.

The potential improvement in our lives is immeasurable. So much can come from the freedom we experience.

Here is where the tender part comes in. I am not sure I will feel the surgery for years to come or if it will restrict activities forever, but I know I will be better in the long run. Same with recovery from the abuse. I want it to be tender though, simply because I want to make sure I remember what if felt like to go through the recovery and can help others. The tenderness will also help maintain a sense of empathy and compassion. I want that tender spot in my heart for others. I will never be a professional therapist, but I can hold the hand of another survivor, listen to them, and be there when they need me. With the tenderness of my own wound, I can reach out to others and hopefully help them heal the way others are helping me.