I used to think I could spot a child molester anytime, anywhere. All of us have a little voice inside that will tell us someone is dangerous or just not trustworthy. There were times I could look in a person’s eyes and just get a creepy feeling about them. A lot of times I was right and times I was way off. Most of the time I never hung around long enough to find out. I prejudged but the little voice in my head would not relent. Only God knows how many friendships I passed on because of this.
I subscribed to the theory I would always be able to identify a predator. It seemed plausible. I had feelings about people and was very careful about who I let my kids around. If I felt any sort of bad vibe I would limit their exposure to my family. I was vigilant.
Recently I discovered my radar was off. There was a big news story in our city. Over 20 men were arrested in a child-sex ring sting over 4 days. At first I was very glad to see the story and grateful these men were locked up. I thought about all the potential victims that were saved. I wondered if there were previous victims of these men that may have been happy to see this story. While it was disturbing that 20-plus men were arrested in just 4 days, there was a little satisfaction in that these men were now publicly embarrassed and would hopefully never hurt anyone again.
My entire perspective changed when I realized I recognized one of these men. I in fact had worked with him for 2 years. I was stunned. I immediately thought about my boys and whether they had been alone with him. When they were babies I was able to take them to work and there were days I needed help with them. I tried to remember if he had ever been alone with them. I essentially freaked out. I slowly started to realize the probability of him doing anything to my boys was very low, basically none. He was arrested for planning to have sex with a teenage boy. Once this realization came to the surface, I became very sad. I was sad that a man I had respected and enjoyed working with had fallen so far.
How did this happen to him? What went wrong in his life that brought him to this level. He was a funeral director. His job at the time was helping other families through one of the most difficult times of their lives. He was compassionate, caring, and empathetic. When he was working away from the families he was very detail oriented and had a great sense of humor. I enjoyed working with him. After I left the funeral home I saw him once or twice in public. He was with his boyfriend and seemed just as easy going. I never saw him as a perpetrator or pedophile.
His arrest stirred a lot of things up inside. It was not just that I had missed the perpetrator within. That part was disturbing enough. While I was never in danger myself, it threw me off that I never saw it. The scared little girl inside realized pedophiles are not obvious. They hide.
Eventually God brought me around. He reminded me this man is human and needs prayer, not judgement. Is this easy for me to do? Not really. The thought of what he is accused of is sickening to my heart. Having been abused, my support has a tendency to swing towards the victim. In this case there wasn’t a victim but who knows if there was before. In this case, I knew the abuser. I saw him as a good man. God is teaching me there is still good in this man. He didn’t fall this far overnight and this may be the bottom for him. Now there is the potential for help that could change his heart.
Haven’t we all reached a point that turned everything around? It may not have been as public as my coworker but could have been just as dramatic. All of us have or will fall into a sin full of shame and recovery from it may seem impossible. We will need forgiveness; forgiveness from anyone we hurt, forgiveness from ourselves, and most importantly forgiveness from God. This man does not need forgiveness from me. He did not do anything to harm me. I need forgiveness from him for being angry and disgusted by his actions. I need forgiveness for my harsh judgement. A judgement I made based on selfishness.
I do pray for my coworker, a man I considered a friend for so long. The news industry pounced on this story and it has been a priority for the TV channels and newspapers. By the time all these men go to trial or plead out, it will be old news and I may never know the outcome. I may forget about him along with the rest of the city over time, but I really hope I do not. I keep wondering if God wants me to get in touch with him and just let him know he still has a friend. It seems odd to me to think about contacting him. It seems counterintuitive. It also seems like what I am being led to do.
No comments:
Post a Comment