Holiday Survival

For many abuse victims the holidays are the toughest part of the year. It is a tough time for a lot of people for many different reasons, including the loss of loved ones, not having any family around, actually being around family, being alone, and/or just feeling depressed.

As abuse survivors, we have our own losses. We have lost security, sense of value, trust, and hope. If your abuser was/is a family member, the holidays can be an especially painful and difficult time. How do you face the abuser (s) or family members that know about it. If you have never been able to tell family, how do you not scream it out loud at the dinner table? The thought of having to suffer in silence and/or endure the presence of this same family is heartbreaking and can be incredibly depressing. It is really no wonder the holidays are dreaded.

What would happen if the perspective changed? What if we made an effort to think outside the box and reach deep to enjoy the holidays?

Thanksgiving-It is all in the name. Make an effort to find things to be thankful for. You will be surprised how quickly it adds up.

Even if I can only think of small things at first, the list will always get longer.

• A warm day.
• Sound of leaves under my feet (favorite since I was a child).
• Feel of a soft blanket over me.
• Roof over my head, food on my table.
• I survived the abuse.
• God created me and loves me unconditionally.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? … Matthew 6:25-27

For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:32-34.

Christmas-It may seem too obvious to focus on Christ and his birth, but I think there is more to it. While the focus should be on Christ, his purpose on earth should be considered. He came to save us, save me. The holiday has become over commercialized. It is easy to concentrate on gifts, food, and decorations. God’s gift to us provides nourishment for our hearts and decorates with light, pushing out the darkness.

How awesome would it be to concentrate on that only? What if we take this season and do one of two things, or both for that matter?

1. Try to let it go, at least a little.
2. Do something to help other survivors or a charitable organization.

Letting it Go

We all need a break. This is one of the hardest things to give ourselves once the healing process starts. If you are anything like me, you want to push through, get it out and over with. It does not work that way. I have been reminded of this on several occasions. I am one of the worst at learning to pace myself. I understand first hand that once you start this, the memories may just come at you wave after wave and it feels like you cannot catch your breath. I honestly do not know if it is possible to stop this wave because I was unable to do it myself. A few months later I was able to take each part a little at a time but it was difficult to slow down; it still is.

If you do not give yourself a break, the holidays will be that much more difficult. The focus will be overall negative, in turn crushing your spirit and you will miss out on all the joy. Not giving ourselves a break is also selfish because all we end up caring about is our feelings, our suffering, and our memories. This leads to my second point.

Help Someone Else

The ways to do this our endless. Helping others takes the focus off you and may change your perspective. It does not have to be a big jump outside the ever present comfort zone. It can be behind the scenes, but it is still just as important.

These are some ideas that are close to my heart:

• Volunteer to serve at a homeless shelter or donate to one. Black Friday and the sales leading up to Christmas are great times to purchase basics, such as socks and toiletries. These things can make a huge difference for someone.
• Write cards of support to women’s shelters. Donating the same items as above will also work.
• Check with law enforcement agencies to possibly get involved with an agency that helps victims of sex trafficking. There are really good national and international agencies. Behind the scenes work and cards/letters of support would be greatly appreciated.
• This may sound odd, but plant a tree. If you do not have a green thumb and are afraid of killing your tree (my hand is raised), do it through the Arbor Day Foundation. They will plant one in a national forest for you. Imagine planting a part of your past and it growing out of the dirt into something beautiful, something full of life.
• Just do something fun, even if you just blow bubbles.

Overall, reach for the positive. Take moments, however small, and focus on all you do have and what God has to offer.