The other day I was out shopping and had one of my younger sons with me. He was basically doing well for a child but at some point his constant asking for things started to work my nerves. Our conversation was similar to this:
Me (partially teasing): Son, you are getting on my last nerve.
Son: How many did you bring with you?
Honestly, I laughed. This seemed to be a clever response and we moved on to the rest of our shopping. Several times during the day I thought about his seemingly innocent response and wondered how many “nerves” I bring into situations.
Have you ever gone out shopping, to a friend’s house, work, or even church with a set of expectations? We all do. It really comes down to what are those expectations and are they positive or negative? Expectations tend to dictate the direction of any situation, especially a potentially unpleasant one.
I confess that anytime I go out with one of my children, or all of them, I go expecting conflict. Most of the time I am correct. They are either bugging me about what they “need” or are fighting with each other. Do not even get me started on car trips that last more than 30 minutes. How many “nerves” do I bring to these situations. Very little if I am already anticipating the conflicts. My perspective needs to change. I need to bring all available nerves to any situation. The fewer I bring, the more likely I am to lose control.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry James 1:19.
This is not my favorite verse for several reasons, but it should always be at the forefront of my brain. The reason is because it convicts me on several levels. All of which point to a lack of bringing all my nerves to a situation.
How do I bring all my nerves with me? First I have to recognize that I already have them. They are tucked in the workings of my emotions. I need to reorder them. The positive, hopeful, patient ones need to be up front. They should always be in the driver’s seat. If I go into a situation with the expectation of conflict, frustration, or general annoyance, I have already removed the positive nerves to the backseat. I have not given them a chance to help and the negative nerves (temper, frustration, sarcasm, anger) start driving and usually end up hitting a tree.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23
Again, ouch. Each one of these requires the positive nerves to be in control. I am in no way indicating I will now go into each potentially frustrating experience with rose-colored glasses. There will always be places I know will be frustrating and hard to deal with, my hope is I can go into these with a new perspective and all my nerves in the right order. I would imagine have some quiet time with Jesus would help significantly. If I bring my anticipated frustrations to Him up front, I have a better chance of maintaining control.
For instance, when we get in the car to take a family trip and we pray first, I will already have Jesus on my mind when the first fight breaks out in the backseat. Will I get irritated? Yes. I am hoping my response will be calmer, the first time anyway.
If heading into a party or family gathering where there is a particular person or persons that get under my skin faster than a tick, I can pray for patience. I can pray for the wisdom not to respond in anger or at all. Being sucked into drama is never a spiritual positive. Taking a step back, gathering my nerves, and just a quick prayer can save a lot of grief.
I am facing a particularly stressful time in the next week or so. A part of me is anticipating the frustrations and conflicts that typically happen during this week. The added bonus is now that I am off the medication that made life “easier, I am going to be facing it all sober. This actually frightens me to an extent. As a preemptive strike so to speak, I thought about the traditional conflicts and my therapist and I talked about them. The result is I have gathered my nerves, prayed, and have created a plan to deal with such in a positive way. There is no guarantee I will be successful but I have a starting point.
All of this will require practice. To change from negative view to a positive is a lot of hard work. I will have to take it in steps, some will seem almost minuscule compared to my goal, but any step forward is progress. Even if I seemingly fail to control my attitude and get to my “last nerve,” the plan in place will make it easier to determine what steps I skipped and where I did not pause to gather my nerves. It is my hope and prayer that this process will become automatic, second nature, and I will not have to try nearly as hard to remain calm and anticipate the positive.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. James 1:2-6
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